Best Stephen Colbert Jokes From His 2017 Emmys Monologue: ‘Everyone Loves Streaming Video, Especially Ted Cruz’
Stephen Colbert is hosting the 69th Primetime Emmy Awards (nice), and making people laugh in the process. After an opening skit that also featured Anthony Anderson of ABC’s “Black-ish” and Allison Janney of ABC’s “Black-ish” (don’t ask) and served as an important reminder that “everything is better on TV,” the “Late Show” host took the stage for his monologue.
“This is TV’s highest honor,” he said. “Us celebrating us. Tonight we binge ourselves.” Colbert then reminded all of tonight’s winners to thank “Game of Thrones” for not being eligible this year, as the HBO drama won a great many awards last year, including Outstanding Drama Series. Not that all is well for either the show or the network — our fearless host joked that HBO will have to melt down all the trophies it takes home tonight in order to pay for next year’s hacker ransom.
“There were over 450 scripted TV shows this year,” he joked, which is far too much television for anyone to watch by themselves — except for Donald Trump, that is. His next political jab: “Everyone loves streaming video these days, especially Ted Cruz,” a reference to the former presidential candidate’s Twitter snafu earlier this week.
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“This is the most diverse group of Emmy nominees in history,” Colbert next pointed out. “That’s impressive. I didn’t know you could applaud while patting yourself on the back at the same time.” After naming some of the black nominees, he also name-dropped Bill Maher: “I assume he’s black, since he’s so comfortable using the ‘n’ word.”
As expected, the former “Colbert Report” host returned to the subject of Trump. Asking everyone in attendance why they didn’t just give him one of the damn awards, Colbert made a difficult-to-argue point: “If he had won an Emmy, I bet he wouldn’t have run for president.” There’s a reason 45 never won, however: “Unlike the presidency, Emmys go to the winner of the popular vote.”
